5th October, 2010

Dear X,

I looked through your email for the first time in four years? I'm going through major crisis mode right now and as usual, I think of you. So if we were still talking this is what I would say:

I get what you mean by the whole transition between student and work life. It's been a year since I started 'work life', and I'm still transitioning...did that happen to you? All I've strived for all year was to be recognized and taken seriously. God gives what we ask for I suppose-- I have more responsibility than I can fathom. Tomorrow is the deadline for this project that I've been working on and its pages and pages of endless guidelines, processes, etc. But as I finish one section another seems to come up with more gaps for me to fill up. Its 11 at night, the big boss said in his ever ominous voice "you have till Wednesday". I guess Tuesday night (being now) is going to be one hell of a long night.


Every time I go through a moment where I'm confronted with an overwhelming obstacle, I remember this nickelodeon blurb about science and our bodies. When we are confronted by this sensation of fear- the body either goes into fight or flee mode. I guess my anxious overachieving self does a disgusting mix of both. Instinctively I want to flee, but self-deprecation ensues and I realize for the sake of 'learning/living' or whatever garbage we tell ourselves, I fight as well. The physical reaction to that seems to be heart palpitations, sweaty palms, deep anxious breathing, and my stomach doing the twisty-turnies.

I'm slowly working on this project, but the fear of not completing and being yelled at just paralyzes me to no end. I actually talked to my boyfriend about the stuff I have to do...you know morselizing things..and it's working I think. It doesn't seem too daunting. I'm still going to need loads of coffee tomorrow though.. yeah, I started drinking coffee- you probably don't remember, but I didn't drink coffee..I can take it now..actually I used to be a barista back at school.

Ok, this is sounding like rambling..anyway I wanted to ''tell'' you, I have a feeling I'll experience a lot of what you experienced. Maybe one day by some freak of nature, we'll meet and I can actually tell you all about it.

Until then.

Me